I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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