I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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