My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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