I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
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Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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