theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
