this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
