9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize
