I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think I died a long time ago.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
