I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
