He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
