I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
