Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
