I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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