Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
