dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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