Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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