hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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