So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
