I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
