I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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