he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
