jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
