I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Bring me that man meat
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize