I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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