my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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