24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
