well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
