Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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