apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
