chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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