do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Come see our sink grown plant.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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