Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
