trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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