This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
