It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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