Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
