I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
