my mouth tastes like poor choices
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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