You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
