Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
