In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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