Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
