I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
