i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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