so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
