Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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