I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
