i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
