My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
