i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
