she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
