i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
