apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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