I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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