Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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