Pants 0. Shit 1.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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