"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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