On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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