My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize