update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
