I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
