So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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