I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
