just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
