in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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