So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My pussy is not your playground.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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