somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
