dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
