New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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