So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
3 2 1 whiskey
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
